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I had this mega-weird dream last night about visiting Zeph. Here's the IM I posted to him:

Alexa Karuda (12:22:07 AM): hiya
Alexa Karuda (12:22:21 AM): i think getting to talk to you last night did something weird in my head
Alexa Karuda (12:22:32 AM): i had this dream where i went to visit you
Alexa Karuda (12:22:44 AM): and you were living with liz and jade, but it was at the south pole
Alexa Karuda (12:22:57 AM): and we had to go under water to get to liz's apartment
Alexa Karuda (12:23:14 AM): and jade was asleep already, but liz was up in her robe
Alexa Karuda (12:23:29 AM): and i apologized for waking her up and she said it was fine, but i could tell she was mad
Alexa Karuda (12:25:03 AM): and her apartment was furnished with all this really 70's-style crappy cheap vinyl exteriors that kind of look like wood
Alexa Karuda (12:25:12 AM): furniture
Alexa Karuda (12:25:49 AM): like she had this record player with cornflower-yellow speakers and green legs
Alexa Karuda (12:25:56 AM): stuff like that
Alexa Karuda (12:27:20 AM): and liz went back to bed and you said you wanted to get something out of your room before we went off in this underwater pod-ship thingy (you changed out the station wagon for a silver water-pod deedlie)
Alexa Karuda (12:27:34 AM): and i went in your room after you and there was this dark-haired girl sitting in your bed\
Alexa Karuda (12:27:44 AM): and i thought "who the hell is she?"
Alexa Karuda (12:28:03 AM): and she was like a doll--she didn't move--she was just sitting there smiling until you got home
Alexa Karuda (12:28:18 AM): and you sat next to her and kissed her and i realized that it was jana
Alexa Karuda (12:28:34 AM): and i was like "well, i didn't know she was living with you"
Alexa Karuda (12:28:53 AM): and i figured it was just another one of those secrets you keep from me
Alexa Karuda (12:29:12 AM): and i was mildly ticked because i hate being surprised like that
Alexa Karuda (12:29:21 AM): and she just smiled and smiled like a doll
Alexa Karuda (12:29:29 AM): and she looked up at you and back at me and smiled
Alexa Karuda (12:30:09 AM): and then i didn't feel so bad--because i could tell i was better than she was--so it didn't matter that you and i were just friends now and she was living with you--because you had missed out and it was your loss, not mine
Alexa Karuda (12:31:07 AM): but i didn't say anything and you picked up your keys and your sunglasses (don't know what that was about) and we left
Alexa Karuda (12:31:22 AM): and we drove around under the ice at the south pole--and it was really cool
Alexa Karuda (12:31:32 AM): then there was something about music and a bar and lots of green and blue lights
Alexa Karuda (12:32:51 AM): and some sort of structural problem with the military-built thingy that made the housing that liz was living in--and liz had a bullfrog pond in the back of her apartment (which made no sense) and she was desperately looking for a way to get back her phone and some other sort of machine
Alexa Karuda (12:33:08 AM): but the pond was full of bullfrogs and nobody would get it
Alexa Karuda (12:34:45 AM): so i just jumped in and grabbed around in the water until i found what she had lost (and i even grabbed a few frogs--well, they were toads, really--big and warty and i could feel them in my hands--it was SO real) and then she wasn't angry at me anymore for waking her up and all these people on her back porch in costumes that looked like they had come from the set of My Fair Lady at the horseraces applauded (like brits do)
Alexa Karuda (12:34:51 AM): and everybody loved me
Alexa Karuda (12:35:21 AM): but that part was before seeing the jana-doll, i think
Alexa Karuda (12:35:24 AM): it got kind of jumbled
Alexa Karuda (12:35:41 AM): it was one of the most vivid dreams i've had in a long time

Apparently I still have pent-up feelings over the whole Jana/Satya (sp?)/________(insert new name here) thing. I didn't realize that.

This is definite proof that I NEED a STABLE boyfriend (not in that the relationship is stable, but that HE'S not crazy/fucked-up). Why do I keep ending up with these whack-jobs, anyway? Is no one I'm attracted to sane?

Although, in my defense, I did deal with the situation in the dream by letting my adoring/loathing ego take over things. And it was good to me. In many ways I think we are tested in our dreams. Dreams put us in situations we would never be in, and our instinctual, innermost beings must deal with them honestly. Of course, what happens in our dreams is not a perfect measure of who and what we are (I dreamed once that I was a man--that really freaked me out), but I think it is at least a window into our repressed selves, a way to see who is really there inside.

Wow, do I sound like a stuffy professor, or what? ^_^

Honestly, though, I'm STILL angry about Jana fucking me over when I went to the Storytelling Festival. I'm mean, SHE's the one all into free-love and that bullshit--what the FUCK was her problem?! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH. Yes, that STILL gets my blood pressure up (which is pretty amazing, since I HAVE no blood pressure).

That whore.

Wow. It's probably a good thing that Zeph is morally opposed to reading LJ's.

On a happier note: LITTLE LIZ IS PREGNANT AND IS GOING TO HAVE A BABY IN MID-OCTOBER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I am SO excited!!! I can't believe she's pregnant already. She's only been married 2 years, I think. She's already started getting regular doctor's appointments to check on the baby, and they might be finding out next Wednesday if it's a boy or a girl. (This is SO Liz: last weekend she went to St. Louis and bought up all these Cardinals' baby clothes to get ready for the baby. How funny/cute is that?) Oh my goodness the baby is going to be SO cute.

Congrats to Liz and Dan!!! (I have the hardest time remembering his name for some reason. I actually remember it correctly, but it SEEMS like I'm getting it wrong. Of course, I've only met him twice, and the first time was at their first wedding--the civil union one.

(The second time was at that party where I met some random guy, got really plastered, and made out with him for 15 minutes or so. Hey, I hadn't dated in 3 years at that point. Gimme a break. It was good to make out with somebody. It was REALLY good that I didn't know him.)

Man, I had totally forgotten about that.


Oooh, in other news:

Whenever I get off from work or school, there are two constants:
1) Illness
2) Menstruation

This time, #1 has consisted of a horrible head cold (there's a block of mucus hiding somewhere behind my face), and #2 has been brown dots.

On Tuesday night, I had the worst sore throat I can remember having in years. Swallowing water made me want to scream. It was incredible. This morning, I found out why. I was lying in bed and I could feel the block-o-goo start to move around. So I figured it was breaking up and I could blow my nose. (If gross body stuff bothers you, DON'T READ THE NEXT PART.) So I blew my left nostril and a little bit of greenish/yellowish stuff came out. Per usual. Then I blew my right nostril. At first it was the same as the stuff from the left nostril, THEN THE INSIDES OF MY NOSE CAME OUT. OHL. I was really fucking freaked out. There was a whitish membrane (maybe 1x0.5 inches?) covered on both sides by red flesh. This lump of tissue was covered in THICK green snot. Thick, as in, like spackle. There were a few smaller lumps of flesh and snot, but nothing compared to the big one. It was like looking at my brains.

The really freaky part is that it didn't hurt, which makes me half-wonder if the mucus is eating away at the flesh in my nasal passages, and that's why my throat hurt so badly before. Hopefully, the next time I blow my nose, more snot and less of ME will come out.

There is only one word to adequately express my feelings when it comes to this experience: ew.

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