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Long time no--

See, I haven't written in awhile because nothing's happened except work. I'm not a workaholic because I want to be, I'm a workaholic out of necessity. (Ooooh, that rhymed.)

I eat the same (fabulous) lunch everyday, and take little pleasure in varying my dinners. Tonight's delight is currently some sort of soba resembling angel hair pasta that I've never seen before with chives and a soy-based dipping sauce. I have finally mastered the art of inhaling my noodles just like they do on anime shows, only my slurping noises leave something to be desired. (I simply cannot make slurping noises. Too many years of "No food noises at the table, dammit!") I can use my chopsticks and make it look like there's one perpetual 5-udon-wide strip of noodles going into my mouth with my chopsticks hovering in the middle. I rule. (And I only splash dipping sauce all over myself and everything around me every fifth attempt at ingestion, as opposed to every attempt.)

This evening, I will also be enjoying a bowl of Fruche that I made, 2 pieces of raisin bread toast, and possibly some refrieds.

Had a HORRIBLE nightmare last night that woke me up. Didn't make me cry--probably because I was still in shock from the dream. I dreamt that some guys were harassing Mia (very obvious link with the problems she's been having on lj) and so I went over to make 'em fuck off. They started to run off, but as they did, they threw these red, white, and blue pillows or pillowcases or LARGE sheets of gauze or something at Mia as I was walking away. Apparently--I "knew" this in my dream and it made sense at the time--police automatically fire when they see those colors. The police poured in from this random door and fired a single shot. I turned around and Mia was sort of staggering toward me and I could hear a phone ringing. She said, "Don't tell Mom--" and I knew that Mom had this "Mia's in trouble omniscence" (heh heh) that had alerted her to the fact that Mia was in trouble with the cops. It was at that moment that I saw the blood splattered on her shirt and she fell to the floor. I ran over and saw a single bullet hole in her chest. The bullet had gone straight through her heart. I put my hands over the wound and tried to stop the bleeding but there was blood coming out from her back, too, and the blood just poured out through my fingers and under her body and pooled across the floor. Mia tried to speak and she was so upset and I kept telling her it would be alright but I could feel my limbs getting cold as I, too, went into shock--not from blood loss, but from losing her. Finally, she died under my hands, but I kept trying to hold the blood in. The cops had come over in the meantime and before she died they said, "Eh, it's not worth bothering with. She's gonna die anyway. Give it up," but I couldn't. She was dead and I couldn't let go. It was so horrible, that feeling of helplessness. Eventually the cops grabbed me by the shoulders and pulled me back. I just sat their with my blood-covered arms limp by my sides and stared ahead in horror.

Then I woke up.

I could FEEL the blood leaking out under my hands. It was so real, and the terror of knowing that I couldn't do anything to save her was the worst part. Waking up was a relief, because I knew she was actually okay.

It still freaks me out, and it was only a dream....

Three or so nights ago I dreamed that I was at my family's old house on Vosswood, only it was the Interlandis' house and it was about eight years ago and I was sitting there at the dinner table with the family and Mary was there and she was so pretty with her long, blonde hair and I was the only person who knew what would happen in a few years, and I thought about saying something, but I was too shy, I let it pass, and it ended up being my fault, only nobody knew it but me.

Something's wrong with me. Something's wrong with my head.

Worked my ass off today and finished writing the listening portion of the Oral Communication I midterm exam. Writing listening questions is SO freaking hard. And, of course, per usual, my exam's on the last day. (Those fuckers.) Which, of course, gives me ZERO days to grade. So I get to do it in the middle of teaching all my other classes. (Did I mention that they're fuckers?) Plus, I have 45 reading reports and 45 debate quizzes to grade. By next week.

I'm so fucked.

I rediscovered h-manga again a few nights ago. The sides of my hips are still sore. "Still," as in "thanks to last night, and the night before, and the night before that." Masturbation is really good exercise, and it's fun, too! ^_^ There was this comedian on The Tonight Show that Dad recorded for me, and most of his stuff was dumb, but there was this one bit he did where he talked about growing up in the Catholic church. He said he left the church when he was 14: they said masturbation was a sin, and he said "goodbye." They also told him that if he masturbated, he would go blind (which, consequently, was a common argument against masturbation whose usage peaked during the '50s). His reply: "Don't worry, I can still find it." ^_~ I liked that one.

Tomorrow's hell day (Wednesday), and Nagata-kun is coming to practice English with me after class (which means I'll have no time to work), but that's okay BECAUSE HE'S SO FREAKING CUTE!!! ^_^ As in "Awwwww, I want one!" cute. And he's SO eager to learn English. He loves jazz and plays jazz piano and wants to go to Atlanta--the home of jazz--to study it there and he's a CUTIE (he's the one who said he likes pudgy girls who are a little shorter than him). Eep! So cute.

Well, better get back to "reviewing" those h-manga again. Heh heh. Eh-hem.

Laters.

Comments

( 2 comments — Leave a comment )
beastie_girl84
May. 18th, 2004 06:05 am (UTC)
I AM VERY MUCH ALIVE! That dream sucks. Ive had freaky-ass dreams like that before. Yes, it probably was a result of the stupid drama that LJ seems to attract.

I know whatcha mean about Mary. I had a similar dream for a very long time about Tyler. When we were in the 7th grade I remember telling someone that I thought he looked depressed and they told me I was stupid. Senior year he shoots himself. I kept dreaming about that over and over and really felt like it was my fault. Truth is, its not. I'm still having a hard time dealing with it all, even after over 2 years have passed.

If I was there I would help you grade...I love grading. Its odd but I really do like it. I guess maybe its that I'm not the one having to take the tests or quizzes and that makes me happy, haha. I wish I could meet some of your students. I bet they are so cute. I bet we would be about the same height too :)
alexakaruda
May. 18th, 2004 06:24 pm (UTC)
I think grading's more fun when it's not work you have to do. I LOVED grading stuff when I was a kid. Of course, grading 10 quizzes versus grading 310 exams is a little different.

Yeah, most of them are about your height, and quite a few of them are [much] shorter than you are. You'd fit right in! ^_^

-A
( 2 comments — Leave a comment )

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