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In Other News....

I love my bike. It's a piece of crap, and it only has 3 gears (gah, I miss my old mountain bike), but it [mostly] gets me where I want to go, and there's nothing better than standing up in the pedals and flying down the hill in the midst of stormclouds and sunshine. The wind streaming past my ears and up through my hair, the sky open above me (not "the sky opening" like in Donnie Darko--good "open sky"), the surge of life in my fingers as I let the brakes go.

Being young is good. When I'm 90 years old, I still want to be biking up and down hills like a madwoman. "Young" is something you're given at birth, but it doesn't hold up on its own. Like anything else, it has to be maintained. Some people trash it; some people take it for granted; some people despise it; some people carefully nurture it and keep it going well past the expiration date society has stamped on it. When I'm 90, I probably won't be as horny as I am now, my skin won't be so smooth, I might have a blonde mexistache (although I'm pretty hairless, even now, and both my grandmothers are relatively mustache-free, so hopefully I won't have to worry 'bout that part of aging), my love (assuming I ever find one) may have died, but I think I will still be young (not just "on the inside"). Even when my heart isn't fucking up, I'm still grateful to be alive. Even when things are bad, I'm still soothed by the air in my lungs and the blood moving swiftly under my skin.

Biking's been good for my heart--it's possibly in better shape than it was when I was doing taiko--although when I know a hill's coming up, I get a shot of adrenaline and it fucks things up. I try to keep calm, but instinct kicks in, and that easy liquid in the blood helps me up the hill but nearly gives me a heart attack at the same time. I seriously thought about having heart surgery again--some of the defective parts have grown back, although they're not as bad as they once were--but I don't know that it'd be really "necessary." I can feel the bad parts of my heart firing off when they're not supposed to, and it's really painful. Oh, well, we all have problems, I guess. My heart does give me good scares, sometimes, but--if nothing else--it makes me glad I'm alive and functioning (sort of).

Found "Throwing Copper" in a random jewel case in the bottom of my desk a few weeks ago. I almost cried, I was so happy to have it back. I thought I'd left it in the States. I've been relishing listening to that album again. Live is the best. ::happy sigh::

Here's that picture I drew of Layna that didn't turn out like I wanted it to. See? I told you the proportions were all messed up. It's embarrassing, but somehow I feel that if I show people my stuff, even when it isn't perfect, it'll encourage me to stop making such bad drawings. Of course, this may just be more of my silly wishful thinking hard at work, as always.

Per usual, I'm sure I had plenty of other fabulous things to write about, but I've completely forgotten about them. Damn my stupid brain.

Oooh, Dan wrote fabulously sweet things about me in his <a href="across-the-pacific.blogspot.com>blog</a>. Unfortunately, there's no way to directly link his page to my friends page (not that I know of). Wish I could directly link to Leo's, too. Would certainly save time. Which is more important, time or money? For me, it's always been time, but I think both my sisters would disagree. (What do you think, Mia?) I mean, time is limited, but I guess money is, too, in a way. Just a random thought that popped into my head. Well, better make dinner and try to pump out a drawing before bed. I'm thinking of drawing a complete (as in with a background and stuff, not just a single character or whatever) pic based on the theme of 3EB's song "The Background" (the lines "you come swimming into view," in particular). I also want to incorporate the hospital sheets they sing about, but who knows. I haven't even done initial sketches for the layout, yet. Ew, there's a honkin' big red bug with lots of spindly legs trying to fly into my window. Grody.

Comments

( 1 comment — Leave a comment )
oddball79
Jun. 27th, 2004 07:48 am (UTC)
I'm always envious of folks that can draw like that and then say "eh, I screwed up"
( 1 comment — Leave a comment )

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