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Dream Dream Dream

I dreamed last night that a girl was sitting next to me on a velvet couch, and there wasn't much room, so I turned a little to get more comfortable. The girl started yelling at me and a split second later, one of her implants popped. Actually, you couldn't tell the difference, but she said that I had maliciously been elbowing her boob and hadn't stopped when she asked me too.

I'm still sort of weirded out by that dream.

Then I dreamed that I was visiting Lara and she was living in this old, white clapboard house. She took me on a tour of the house and Phil was playing video games in the front room. I said hi to him, but he didn't respond. Then she took me to a back parlor and there were tons of people there (like Becky, the one who made out with her girlfriend on our couch sophomore year while we were trying to watch 'Grave of the Fireflies'), most of whom I didn't know. They all parted and Pete was standing at the back of the room, handing out party hats and balloons. I wanted to give him a hug, but there were too many people in the way. Lara kept dragging me around, introducing me to people from college I didn't remember and making sure that everybody got a piece of birthday cake. Although I'm not sure whose birthday it was.

Those dreams were so vivid, it's kinda scary.

It's funny that I had the second dream, since I got an email update from Lara this morning about how she spent her summer, and in it she talked about Becky, Pete, and Phil. Odd that I would dream about them before reading about them.

I had this on-again-off-again crush on Phil in college, but I always felt like he thought I was inferior to him, and I didn't always get his sense of humor, so I felt sort of stupid and clumsy around him. I felt uncomfortable around him. I think more than anything I just wanted him to like me because I could tell that he was smart, and I want smart people to respect me, like me, think well of me. Which is trivial and vain, but it's there all the same. That wanting to be recognized, wanting to be respected, by those you recognize and respect. Mutual admiration, or something. I'm certainly better about it than I used to be, but it's hard to stave off these old, habitual desires. When I'm perfectly alone, I'm content to be me, and my ego just takes off, but when I'm around other people, I start thinking about their good points, and dwelling on my bad points, and everything goes downhill from there.

Dunno what the point of this entry is. Mostly just to document my dreams, since the dreams I remember tend to be so strange, even though last night's were relatively normal. Nothing like the red Mayan god I had to battle in a golden temple filled with flames....

THAT was something.

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