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Dreamed last night that I got this month's phone bill and it was $500, which is probably pretty close to what it's going to be. But I won't find that out until November.

What a horrible 3-day weekend it turned out to be. It was hot, so I wore nothing but panties and a dirty black tank top and puttered around my apartment, half-doing things and not doing others. I watched several movies and drew a picture that sucked a little, and started a picture that sucked a lot. I probably won't finish it--it's too horrible for words. I'm in this drawing/emotion/lifestyle funk and I can't seem to get out of it. Never did get around to going to Osaka. Put on my lacy cream-colored camisole under one of those knit-squares-with-the-hole-in-the-middle-where-you-put-your-head-through-and-one-corner-hangs-in-front-and-one-in-back-and-one-over-each-arm-whatever-those-are-called. It was off-white. And my new light-colored jeans (we're not talking '80s jeans here, 'k) that are washed-out looking and my little strappy brown low-heeled sandals and I looked a thousand shades of hotness and my hair was up in a bun and I was a goddess. What I did do in this stage of dress and glamour? I went to the 100yen store and the grocery store. What did I buy in my hotness? Pantyliners and soda. Yes, I have problems (as in I got all dressed up to go nowhere, not as in I was stocking up for nuclear warfare). Although I did want to go to Osaka once I actually got out of the house, especially since I looked as good as I did (short burst of confidence). Passed the hot Australian guy (Brett?) with the live-in fiancee on my way back up the hill. I said hi and smiled to him and his girl and he sort of gave me this half-assed "Heh" back. It wasn't even a real "Hey." I think he'd be cuter if he had a personality. (I mean, he's freaking gorgeous, but I don't like him. He should give his face to somebody else.) I talked with him on the way to CocoWa on Friday night and it was like talking to a post. The conversation was totally one-sided, so I gave up. Maybe he's just shy or unsure of himself, I dunno, but it was really annoying to be as insecure and shy as I am of my own self and to have to be the one to keep the conversation going. ::several colorful explitives requiring punctuation instead of actual letters::

Downloaded thousands (not really) of pictures from the NY fall fashion runway (thank you for the idea, Hols) and snatched some of motorcycles from the Kawasaki website. ::drools over bright shiny engine parts:: Now if only I could find pictures of bikes that have been well-used and are covered in dirt and monkey-grease. Downloading and sorting those pix was probably the most productive I've been all weekend. That and the loads of laundry that are lying clean and sort of wrinkle-free across the back of my couch.

My apartment is 2000 degrees of gross. I did all my dishes this weekend, but that doesn't make up for a year's worth of recycling, or the dead flowers everywhere (my apartment reeks of dead flowers and mold--I moved them out of my bedroom so I could breathe). It doesn't make up for the dust or the not vacuuming. I'm just waiting for the ダニ to attack....

Sweet Kelsye rang my doorbell last night while I was sitting in the dark, making a mad mess of my bedroom by looking through my artbooks and reference books and placing them in piles according to category (or space). It had gotten dark without my realizing it. The doorbell rang and I grabbed the nearest pair of pants and pulled them on. Kelsye needed some comics for a class she was teaching, and as soon as I let her in my apartment, I realized how infinitely gross it was. When you're wading around in your own filth, you don't really mind or think about it, but when someone else is in your space, you become horribly ashamed that you've let it get to that point. I'm surprised she didn't cover her face from the stench--those flowers are pretty overpowering (but maybe she's just too polite). She said that she could tell I had been there for a while because of all the *stuff* I had in my apartment, it wasn't empty. I think that's a nice way of saying, "Ohholylord, this is grody. There's trash and shit everywhere...." Am I always that gross, or does she just have an amazing ability to find me at awkward times? (How much alliteration is in that sentence?) The first time she met me, she came over and rang the doorbell and I was in the middle of a sit-and-read session on my personal throne and had to pull up my pants and wash my hands really well (and dry them so they're not all gross, so they don't seem sweaty) before opening the door. I'm surprised she didn't leave, it took me so long. She said, "Oh, I'm sorry, did I catch you at a bad time?" I responded (oh, I'm so smart sometimes): "No, I was just going to the bathroom." WTF is WRONG with me!!! I'm a fucking retard!!! Yeah, she really wanted to know that I was taking a dump. Jeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeez. Believe you me I kicked myself for quite a while after that stellar example of my mental prowess. Of course, all the bad feelings went away when we were doing karaoke and she was sucking down her second black russian after a long evening of drinking and she hugged me and said, "We're going to be such good friends!!!" ^_^ So the lesson here, kids, is that no matter what a social ass you are, you can still make friends, so long as they drink enough! ^_~

My hair has been frizzy today in the front. I thought it odd since it was sunny outside. I looked outside. It wasn't sunny. Looks like it might rain, but then again, it's been looking like that all day, so who knows. But my hair says that rain is in the cards.

The sky is white again today and I am so afraid that if I go back home I will again become the person I was yesterday.

On Sunday I pulled out all the stops and made toast and cut up a grapefruit (oh, what I wouldn't do for a real paring knife) and made two fried eggs. And finished it all off with a diet coke. I needed the caffeine, and I didn't even think of coffee as an option until just this minute. What is my problem, not thinking of things already invented until well after I no longer need them? Like me and the paper towels and tampons. Am I losing my mind? What's wrong with me? Anyway, the breakfast was fabulous and eggs are sounding really tempting right now. I went to sleep that night wondering if eggs have any true nutritional value, as in they have some sort of chemical that you desperately need to survive. I have no idea why I even thought about it at the time; it just made me wonder. Eggs have protein, but they also have cholesterol. Is there something else in there that would be good that we just don't know about? And what about the first person to eat an egg? What were they thinking? Dad explained the anatomy of an egg and what becomes what part of a chicken when I was little. I had no idea that the eggs I was eating weren't fertilized. The idea that I might one day crack an egg and find a dead baby chicken inside scared me. It's okay, so long as you don't know you're actually killing something to sustain your own life. I found twins, once. That was weird. Twin egg yolks. Two-for-one. I thought it was cute at the time, then it sort of creeped me out later. They could have been happy twins, but no, you had to go and kill them while they were babies and EAT THEM!

Ugh, this entry has gotten really schizophrenic and weird. Colorful is perhaps a more appropriate descriptor.

Hahaha, thinking of 'ugh' made me think of "Salute Your Shorts," that stupid Nickelodeon show about kids who were apparently doomed to a lifetime at summer camp. I remember they had a clip they'd show in between other shows to advertise it. It was to the tune of that camp song you whistle that everybody knows. It's in the original "Parent Trap" movie. Anyway, the song was about the camp counselor in the show, whose name was Ug. The words were: "Ug, sometimes his face turns blue! Ug, he likes to punish you! Ug, he is a slug, so come on and bug Ug today!" That song has stayed with me since I was about 10 years old, and it looks like it's a keeper.

Started reading Kelsye's book last night. It's a bunch of short pieces and it goes by really quickly. I've enjoyed it so far, although I'm not that far into it. I have to have time to do a word puzzle or crossword before I go to bed. For some reason, they help me get to sleep.

Well, time to get back to the grind. We get Thursday off (score!), but it's not enough to make up for the fact that we have the Junior High English Camp this weekend and the Eihan exam the Saturday after that.

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