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Ugh, I'm always so busy delving into and developing thoughts on existential ideas that all I end up with is more questions. No wonder those dudes in kung-fu movies only ever answer each other's questions with more questions.

Does anybody out there have the answer? Or are we all really just the products of circumstance and chemicals? And if we are, how can I break beyond that and get a glimpse of the true "big picture"? Is it even possible? Is that what death is for?

I was thinking about death--as I often do, but not in a suicidal way, just a curious way--on the way home from the doctor's office today, and I started wondering what the last thing I'll say before I die is. I came up with a "Top 10" list, and then I came up with humorous situations that my last line could be said in.

Top 10 List of Things I'll Probably Say Before I Die
10) Who are you and why are you wearing that?
9) This is gonna be awesome!
8) Watch this!
7) No! I get another turn!
6) Huh? This isn't mine....
5) I knew it!
4) Wait, that's not right....
3) Oh, yeah? I'd like to see you try.
2) It wasn't supposed to happen this way!
1) Oh, fuck--

Humorous Locations To Say The Above In:
...

Okay, I admit it: the only humorous place I could think of was an S&M club, but that's pretty funny for quite a few of them, right? I'm just not in "humor mode" today. I thought of #10 because I wondered what I'd say if a ninja assassin jumped out in front of me, but although the other ones are still somewhat situation-based, they're pretty generic. And the order is somewhat arbitrary 'cept for #10 and #1 because I doubt a ninja assassin is going to bother me and there's a 93% chance I'll be saying #1 when I die. Lord knows I say it enough as it is.

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Comments

( 5 comments — Leave a comment )
(Deleted comment)
alexakaruda
May. 28th, 2005 08:46 pm (UTC)
Yeah, I've been thinking about it for the past 2 years or so, and it really bothers me a lot. There was a study done not too long ago, and they were able to determine that your brain actually makes decisions before your conscious self does. The brains of the people in the study made decisions before their conscious selves were aware of the fact. So does that mean that I--whatever that is--isn't the one really making the decisions, my brain is? Then what's the point? Every decision I make has already been made for me, everything I think I do is really a lie. I'm starting to wonder if "God giving us free choice" isn't really "God giving us the illusion of free choice." I mean, look at the world. People always say that God is in control, right? So that means that he's in control of the mess we have today. Way to go, God. I don't know who God is anymore, and frankly, I'm starting to lose interest in finding out. A jealous God, an angry God, a God with the mentality of a 3-year old? He's God, right? Shouldn't he have gotten over those petty feelings already?

I have so many questions that can never be answered, and that's really annoying. >_<

I wonder, who am I, and does it really matter?
_paquette_
May. 28th, 2005 02:49 pm (UTC)
I too think we are all products of circumstace...if you figure out how to break free, either take me with or tell me how.
alexakaruda
May. 28th, 2005 10:12 pm (UTC)
Will do!
(Anonymous)
May. 29th, 2005 06:35 pm (UTC)
I think that your top 10 list is pretty funny. I can see most of those occuring in a drinking situation, possibly as you say something like, "I can breathe fire too!"

I loved the articles you sent me from the Japan Times.

I also love your new icon on your last post. The angle of the picture and your hair remind me of a scene of a lady from the Tale of Genji, for instance. Very classy.

~Leona
nimdawg
Jun. 4th, 2005 10:02 am (UTC)
If we are a product of chemicals, we certainly have some feedback on what the chemicals do. We can, say, choose to drink alchohol and have the chemicals make us all dumblike, or take caffene, or more indirectly we can choose to watch a movie we know makes us happy in some way. It's a minimal amount of control, yes, but it's some control at least. =)

PS: I made an LJ account. Friend me yo!

~Nimish
( 5 comments — Leave a comment )

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