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I'm in a depression upswing (finally, after months of misery), and I finally paid my bills from last month and cleaned my apartment and did my laundry and started doing homework again. I even washed my car. It became such a bright red after washing that Mari wasn't sure she was tailing the right car.

I've been able, finally, to reach out to my friends again--no more sitting home, feeling sorry for myself. (Well, there were--and still are--some things that hurt, no matter what, but I'm trying to get myself back into the circle. It's not automatic like it was with my friends in high school or college. You have to be present to gain presence. People don't reach out unless you reach out first.)

Behind in my schoolwork, but part of that can be attributed to being in and out of doctors' offices nearly every day for the past several weeks. They don't know what's wrong with me, either. Hemorrhaging and swollen lymph nodes and pain. They checked me for every easily testable virus. I have neither HIV nor any STDs nor anything else. I had mono at one point in my life (that was sort of a surprise), but it was so many years ago that it's completely out of my system.

Two students came to my office hours, which ended up lasting until about 30 minutes longer than normal. There were lots of good questions, and I think everybody had a good time. Students are actually coming to my office hours. I feel so special! ^_^

After office hours, walking home in the pre-storm, I saw a small cluster of black men standing outside the new Eddie George's. One of them had an oversized packet of prints. Two other men appeared to be discussing prices with him, and, as I walked past, a third man tried to block my view of the prints with his body. He smiled grimly at me as my gaze bent around him to the strange pictures the other man was holding. On that wide white surface, I saw what appeared to be an image of two bodies wrapped around each other. I couldn't tell if they were male or female, what their race was, or what body parts I was seeing. I could only tell that there were two bodies by the slight difference in the color of their light skin. Nothing but a seamless crush of lovely muscles. It was beautiful and strange. I still don't understand what I saw or why it was so hidden.

I'd write more, but it's time to go to bed. ('Sides, The Ultimate Fighter 3 is over and I have to get up early to teach tomorrow morning.) 'Night.


( 1 comment — Leave a comment )
May. 12th, 2006 05:29 am (UTC)
Gah! Sorry to hear about you having whatever plague it is that seems to be hitting you. I hope you recover quickly!
( 1 comment — Leave a comment )

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