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It doesn't pay to be smart

I hate the fact that I'm so aware of myself, my life, those around me, the unspoken things in this world. I can see into people's minds without even speaking to them. I can hear unvoiced thoughts. It's good that I don't feel that I'm wasting my life or my time or my youth, but I hate the fact that I know that no matter how fully I live my life, there's always something else I could have done better. If I were older, if I knew more, if I had more experience, I could fully take advantage of my current status/age. But I can only get those things through time, and that's what's so frustrating. I'm cursed: I know that I'm not taking full advantage of the time given to me, but there's nothing I can do about it. I almost wish I could go back to the stupid sleepy dream-world I was in during my college years, thanks to zoloft. All my senses were deadened.

In a way, it was nice. They say knowledge is power; I say knowledge is a curse.

On a happier note, here's my list of:

THINGS I LEARNED IN NEW ZEALAND (written during the 4-hour teachers' meeting this morning)

1) they don't tip
2) they don't have four-way stops (they have these crazy turn-arounds)
3) they don't have single-cent coins, so everything is rounded to the next highest multiple of 5 (which is probably good for the economy, but hurts the individual)
4) there's a world out there other than Japan, other than KG (if only my students knew)
5) people there drive with one half of the car on the extended shoulder if they're going less than 100kph, to allow faster cars to pass them (they can be passed in the right lane, so long as there's no on-coming traffic)
6) you'd have to be going wicked-way over the speed limit to get pulled over by a cop (I was going 70kph in a 50kph area and the cop didn't even flash his lights at me)
7) cop cars don't have sirens, just flashing lights (either that or they just don't use their sirens, ever)
8) jet-boating needs to be exported to the States
9) Lambretta's J50 pizza (lamb, grilled peppers, mushrooms, light cheese, mint dressing) is heavenly--the gluten-free orange cake, on the other hand, is lacking, although it had nice presentation
10) "Windy Wellington" is one of the world's windiest cities
11) Peter Jackson lives in a crappy little brick house with junk up to the windows (got to see the outside of his house on the LOTR tour)
12) "The Chocolate Fish" (in Wellington) is a great little cafe (and it's on the way to PJ's house)
13) the North and South Islands have totally different atmospheres
14) I can always count on myself to oversleep on an important day
15) I rediscovered God (He lives in New Zealand, it seems)

More to come later, when I'm less stressed-out and can make my eyes focus.

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September 2006
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