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Beauty

There're all these beautiful things I want to say, and as soon as I sit down at the computer, they totally flee my brain. Hmmm...flee-brain. Flea-brain?

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH. I feel like shit and my head is mush which is really gross. I can't speak English and I can't speak Japanese and I suck a lot and I wanna go home and all I do is bitchbitchbitch 'cuz that's what I am.

If "menstruation" has "men" in it, then why don't men do it? Why don't they call it "womenstration?" My only real gripe against Jesus is that He was never on the rag. I know, I know, He understands all my Pain, but still. He doesn't REALLY know what it's like when your pubic hair gets caught in the adhesive on the wings of your pad and you stand up suddenly and rip out a patch of gential grass. And then you can't tell if the bleeding is from the ripped out hair or your stupid uterus. When you rearrange the letters in "uterus," it spells "suture." Hm. Wonder why. Wonder if anyone's noticed that before.

Can you tell I've been playing text twist again?

I wanna play Diablo II and destroy ridiculously gargantuan bugs (there was this one that filled an entire freaking room, and when I killed it, it filled the room with cool shit). I DON'T want to start grading those stupid listening quizzes. Damn pain in the ass.

I was gonna write about my weekend, but I'll do that later. I'm so freaking tired now.

I STILL haven't heard back from the dial-up company. Those bastards are trying to fuck me over, is what they're trying to do.

[Warning: this next paragraph may be gross to you. Very few things in the world are gross to me, so I can't use my "gross scale" as a meter.] Speaking of pubic hair (I'm a little slow to change even my own conversations), mine has finally filled in. Finally. After 15 or so years. How stupid is that? Like my body finally said, "Okay, okay, we'll do what it said we'd do in that book Mom gave us when we were 8 years old." Of course, that book was written in the 80's, so it was pretty good, for what it was worth (not much). Although, the pictures made it look like you'd suddenly become 35 after you reached "Stage 4" in the "How My Body Will Grow and Change" chart. Most of my body parts never made it past stage 2. I kept waiting and waiting and waiting and suddenly I was a college graduate and I realized, "Hey, that book was shit!" Then again, my pubic hair did just fill in, so maybe there's still hope for my boobs? ::doubts it severely:: No hips, no boobs, no nothing (although I do have serious back). Go figure. How the hell did that happen? It's like all the fat cells that were supposed to happen in my boobs migrated to the back of my ass and stayed there. Vacation's over fat cells! Back to work, dammit!

My body REALLY frustrates me sometimes. Then again, I build muscle really easily and shed pounds without too much effort, so I can't complain in that department. Of course, MEN have the same benefits that I do....hmmm.... I had a girl tell me once at church, "You should have been born a boy." I didn't really get what she meant by that. Did she mean she was into me, but felt bad about it? Did she mean I was a fugly girl? Who knows. I wasn't sure whether to be oddly happy or horribly hurt. I kind of thought she meant the latter, but I was hoping that wasn't what she meant ('cuz that would suck). I've had people tell me I'm ugly or gross or fat or whatever. Of course, people suck. (Middle school was so painful that I still have weird habits that came from trying to "protect" myself. For example, I habitually check my fly to make sure it's closed. Why? Because the thought of the harassment that would come as a result of being caught with an open fly was unbearable to me at the time. Now it's an obsessive habit. I can't go out of the bathroom without having checked my fly 3+ times, and I keep checking it without thinking about it until I go to the bathroom again. I usually don't even notice it, but if I try to not do it, it drives me crazy. I could probably care less now if it were open, but the little middle schooler still haunts my body every once in a while.)

Better get going on that grading.

Damn, I'm tired.

Comments

( 6 comments — Leave a comment )
kuaimao
Jun. 3rd, 2004 04:21 am (UTC)
I feel you on the body-hatred, but for a completely different reason.

I had hips and boobs when I was about 11. That's right, when I started Grade 6, I was a 36B (later grew to a C) and weighed about 10 lbs less than I do now, at age 22. I never got to be one of those really skinny girls, not even for a second... I went straight from baby fat to "womanly proportions", so I was always "fat" for some reason or another.

I guess this is a sort of "grass is greener" argument, but one of the good things about a body like yours is that you can wear, and look good in, most of the trendy clothes of today. A slim, straight body is considered society's ideal whereas I, with a "perfect" hourglass figure, should have been born 100 years ago because I look great in a corset (and in wedding dresses, yay!) but I tend to look dumpy and weird in most modern clothes. The vast majority of shirts are cut fairly straight, so they're all tight in the breasts and hips and baggy in the waist and they look odd. Jeans tend to fit tight in my hips and ass and then have a huge gap in the waist where the rest of my waist is apparently supposed to go. It's really, really tough finding clothes that fit well.

Oh, and it's easy for me to build muscle, but fairly hard to shed pounds, especially in the areas where I WANT to lose weight... whenever I do, it comes off of my waist first, which makes me look even MORE wasp-waisted and weird. My waist is 27 inches and my hips are 39... try to even imagine how difficult it is to find clothes that don't make me look like a freak. ;)

Just a glimpse on the other side of the fence... trust me, there are girls (like me) who would do anything to try on your body.
alexakaruda
Jun. 3rd, 2004 05:36 pm (UTC)
My waist is the last place I lose weight and the first place I gain it. The last place I gain weight is in my boobs, so I know I've started losing weight when my bras get too big in the cup. ::sniffsniff:: Conversely, I always know I'm getting too fat when I start to kinda get a little teeny bit of sorta-cleavage. ^_~

Yeah, the grass is always greener. ^_^

Btw, I hope your cat gets better!
beastie_girl84
Jun. 3rd, 2004 06:47 am (UTC)
Well, if they changed it to "womenstrating" it would still have "men" in it. ;)
alexakaruda
Jun. 3rd, 2004 05:33 pm (UTC)
Heh heh. Too true.

How 'bout "womynstration," then?

Maybe your spelling bee hero can try that one out. ^_^
oddball79
Jun. 3rd, 2004 10:21 pm (UTC)
read my lips.. well... type...

you are good looking
you are good looking
you are good looking

got the idea yet?
alexakaruda
Jun. 6th, 2004 08:53 pm (UTC)
Thanks, Mike. ^_^ My body drives me crazy sometimes, but it can be good to me, too.

::hugs::

We need to hang out this summer when I'm home! I'll be there after the first week in August. If you're working, I can always stop by and get something I don't need (I have a Mac now--I am so ashamed!) ^_^

-A
( 6 comments — Leave a comment )

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