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The planes in my face are coming back. The wonder of muscle over bone is starting to shine through, albeit a little dimly. The shadow under my cheekbones is growing--a slow, dark bloom.

In simpler terms, my head is no longer completely spherical.

Okay, okay, I never got that bad, but I was at my largest last semester, and it was extremely uncomfortable. I could barely bend over to put on my shoes. I couldn't cross my legs behind the knee where I [usually] do. In fact, I could barely cross my legs at all (as in "in a chair," not "Indian-style"). I had two big handfuls of flesh on my stomach alone (lovehandles sold separately). I'm still not comfortable at my current weight/size, but it's better than it was. Feel like I'm plateau-ing, but who knows. Maybe it's just the stress that's keeping me from losing as much weight right now as I'd normally be doing. I'm eating no more than 2,000 calories a day, and I do aerobic exercise 3 times a week, non-aerobic 2 times (3 if I'm feeling peppy, which I rarely am these days).

What I'd really like to do is wadaiko three times a week, instead of "dance-inspired aerobic pilates," but I still can't get myself to pick up that damn phone (then again, considering how bad my luck has been with phones lately, it's not surprising). Speaking on the phone is so bad, though, 'cuz they don't know I'm a foreigner (I know I've bitched about this before, but it's no less true now than it was before). They just run over me and don't know why I can't keep up. And I hate the big pause that comes after I explain, "Uh, yeah, um, well, I'm a foreigner, and I can't really speak Japanese very well, so...." They're always shocked for a reeeeeeeeally long time, after which they turn the phone over to somebody else (like that solves ANYTHING).

All I do in this journal is bitch. All I do in conversations with my friends is bitch. What is my problem?! Yeah, I have chemical (as in the chems I produce, not stuff I'm downing) problems, but I thought I used to be a bit more relaxed than I am now. Sometimes, I think this place is drowning me. (There I go, bitching away again....)

At work--bright an' early on Saturday morning--I saw that there was a message from Sara on my phone. It was some incoherent jabbering, like they were out somewhere and just let the phone record the sounds around them. I should have called her back right then--well, okay, after I finished proctoring--but I didn't. Didn't have the balls to. I don't know why, I just didn't. I should have called back and said, "Hey, saw that you called. What did I miss?" or something social like that, but I didn't.

Why didn't I? Because "Let it be know that I am an ass." (Much Ado quote.)

Actually, I don't know why I didn't. I think mostly time just flew by and suddenly it was Monday and too late to call back. I mean, being an ass is one thing; making an ass of yourself is a little different.

Hm. This turned into another bitch-session. I need to stop doing this. I need to do what Dan does in his blog: get all philosophical and look at the abstract. What's the big picture? I'm so busy fretting and sweating the little stuff that I can't see what's really going down. No startling insights in this journal, dammit! ::bitchbitchbitch::

Per usual, there were a million things I was gonna write about, but they totally left my brain.

Oh, I took a bath with jasmine バブ and it was exactly what I needed to wind down. I get tomorrow off, which I really need. (::bitch siren sounds a warning:: Actually, I'm the only person who has tomorrow off. Why, might you ask? Because we have a teachers' meeting in the afternoon, and who wants a day off when you have to come in to work anyway? Eh heh. This has happened before, so I wasn't really surprised, but still. Gimme a fucking break. Throw me a figurative bone once in a while, for crying out loud. So, since Edagawa-sensei and Matsuura-副部長 and Sumita-部長 have all given me permission to miss meetings whenever I want, I'm taking the whole day off. Not even Tsu can stop me. And if he wants to bitch about it--which he will, oh, he will--he can suck my--)

Come back tomorrow for another super-exciting episode in my super-exciting lj! (Heh heh.) :: nopurchasenecessaryvoidwhereprohibited::


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