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Something Lost

I was reading through old emails to different people today and I found this interesting piece where I talked about my own writing and apathy. It's funny, because it had been long enough since I wrote it that I didn't know what the next word was going to be. I didn't recognize the flow. It's also amusing to think about, since I felt like I was butchering my sentences. I think there's an ease in my writing that makes the words pass like water under my eyes. Of course, that could simply be due to the fact that part of my brain remembers what I wrote. Still....

"It's so sad: I've lost the poetry I used to have in my
voice and writing. I guess I just haven't had a
reason to use it for the past 4 years. It was
strange, reading these things I had written when I was
about 17 and knowing that I was a better writer then.
Yeah, there are grammatical errors and spelling errors
and stuff, but I knew beautiful words back then, that
I can't seem to think of now. Do you feel the same
way about your own writing? Do you write poems
anymore? I guess, metaphorically, I don't sing
because I have nothing to sing about. It's not bad;
it's just different. Part of me feels like I've lost
something magical, but the rest of me doesn't really

"I've talked with other friends and they all feel like
they've reached a point where they just don't care
about anything anymore. And I kind of feel that way,
too. Nothing's exciting, nothing pleases or teases or
entices. There is no appetite and it cannot be
whetted....[edit]....So maybe I haven't totally lost
anticipation. Have you ever had the same problem? I
was talking with [X] about it and
she totally agreed with me about feeling this strange,
heavy apathy. I hate apathy more than anything, but I
find myself silenced beneath it. Maybe it'll go away

Glad I don't feel that way anymore....


( 1 comment — Leave a comment )
Sep. 6th, 2004 03:53 pm (UTC)
When is that email from? I feel like that sometimes from time to time, too... and I'm glad you don't feel that way any longer. I think that xangaing and the couple of short stories I've written make me feel better... I think apathy is just one of those phases of life that we go through. We have our good times and our bad times, our times of certainty and our times of doubt, times when we care passionately about stuff, and times when we don't. (The email does flow nicely, I agree.)

Did you get the package I sent you in Nashville? I hope so!

( 1 comment — Leave a comment )

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