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Old Emails

Going through old emails is strangely revealing and becomes an almost out-of-body experience. You know that you wrote what you're reading, but it doesn't always reflect who you are now. More often that not--thanks to my horrible memory--I don't ever remember writing the stuff, and it sort of feels like I'm reading a fortune or something. It paints a telling picture of who I am, but it feels like someone else wrote it. It's odd.

Found this today:

I am constantly fighting the disease. I drew a few pictures, once, illustrating it (this was when I was 15 or 16, maybe). There were two caricatures of me: one was sad and one was evil. And the evil one was trying to seduce the sad one. That's probably a more telling picture than I meant it to be at the time. (The people who saw it all thought I was a closet lesbian or something. I'm so misunderstood. ^_^).... ....I feel like Delia Deetz: "I. am. alone. I. am. utterly. alone."

Did the same me write that? I know she's in here, and I'm afraid she'll come out when I least want her to. It's exactly like having a doppleganger. Which was partially the inspiration for the drawings I mentioned in the email.

More things to make me think. (And be a little worried.)

-A

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