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Bjork Thoughts

There must be a monster in my stomach because everything I put down there keeps crawling back up in horror. It must have sneaked in during the night because at 10 to 2 in the AM I woke up nauseated. I finally made myself throw up because I was tired of gagging over an open toilet bowl. [You can only gag impotently for so long before it gets to you.] I dragged a metal trash can back to my bed and tossed in ill discomfort until it was time to get up and go to work where I filled an empty seat with a pale face and unhappy constitution.

I keep having Bjork moments where the same thought runs around and around in my head. I have nothing new to say. Human Behavior and all that. Everyone's said it before. ['Cept for the part about the monster in my stomach. Sometimes I think I'm psychologically reverse-aging.]

I finally watched Lost in Translation the other night. Probably the last American in Japan to do so. During the whole movie, I felt like I was going through my normal life. The emotions were so similar to how I feel every day. I went out and biked around very briefly and bought more things to have to dust later (e.g. shelving for all my books and papers and the other crap on my desk--now my room looks more cluttered than it did when everything was all over my floor) and felt like I was in the movie. Half-seeing and feeling very blonde and very white and very alone. I don't really get lonely anymore, but I do feel like I'm walking around in a bubble. It doesn't matter how good my Japanese is, I'm still blonde and different. And anyone can tell you that blondes aren't capable of communication. It doesn't matter what I say, they don't understand me. The stupid man who moves bikes around all day near the station, the dumb woman with the broadband company, the retarded kids dancing to see their reflections in store windows. I don't hate; I am annoyed.

The sky was blue and the clouds were white and the air was crisp even though I wasn't wearing a jacket and I biked around two blocks I haven't been around before--which isn't saying much--and I felt happy and slightly free. I don't explore too-too-much because I have *no* sense of direction and I hate being horribly lost. Kyoto was good for me to live in because everything's on a grid, so you have a 50/50 chance of getting where you're going (not that that stopped me from getting lost and ending up near some random river way on the north end of the city at dusk). My internal compass is more like a spinning top. It decides where north is at complete random and people wonder why I never can seem to get places no matter how hard I try. Always going 'round and 'round. There's nothing I hate more than passing the same place in different directions. Then people know you're lost. That's why I played it safe yesterday and went 'round blocks that were mostly square. I get embarrassed when I explore because eventually I might have to turn back, and people may just be able to smell that I don't know where I am. That's a horrible smell to give off. Besides, a blond American girl on a green bike wearing a hot pink shirt--yes, I was wearing THE SHIRT I talked about before and now it's loose on me how do I do it?--is something you don't quickly forget.

Especially if you see her twice. In different directions. They always know when you're lost. [Not really--but just because it's in my head doesn't mean it bothers me any less.]

I'm watching Bjork music videos on a DVD I borrowed from Matt. I enjoyed the first one. I'd say I enjoyed the others, but I haven't seen them yet. Had to pause to hang up the laundry to dry before it got crinkled. And Matt called to let me have my graphic novels back. And the stuff from Costco came. (He and Kio and I went to Costco on Sunday. It was such a beautiful day out and I was wearing black on black on black because blonde hair looks good against a black background and it was a million degrees of hot only on that one day how ironic and Kio was a trooper even though she got tired at the end and informed the lady on the train she had poo not that we didn't know from the smell. Kio gave me a monster hug on the train ride there which amounted to crawling on my shoulders and squirming there for awhile. ^_^ Everywhere we went people cooed over how cute Kio was and it was obvious from the looks in my direction that they thought she was mine. One man even said, 「めっちゃ可愛いなあ」which was odd, I think.) So, long story short, I now have diet Dr. Pepper and popcorn (I know I don't like popcorn, but you don't understand, I had the *option* of buying it, how crazy is that?!) and refried beans, oh, refried beans. I would have a can for dinner, but that's just wrong (and I don't think I can down *quite* that much in the way of pasty beans all at once--no pun intended, "can" not "pasty").

I wanted to write in detail about the Costco trip, but the monster doesn't seem to like this diet Dr. Pepper. Kinda like how my 700W (the FUCK did they give me a 700W microwave?!) didn't like the popcorn. Or was it the other way around?

(I hate that microwave. When I talk about "nuking" stuff with it, I'm not using slang.)

Off to more Bjork videos. [Forget the monster. Forget the monster.]

My fingers smell like I've been smoking....


Oct. 12th, 2004 11:23 am (UTC)
Dr. Pepper is the best
I had such a craving for Dr. Pepper the entire time we were in Japan. Actually, once I found Dr. Pepper, I stopped wanting it, and not from drinking it so much. But finding it was amazing, like a light shone down from heaven and opened a gate to bliss. I'm sure you remember how excited I was when we found it in the jidouhanbaiki in Okinawa. Yes, Dr. Pepper in Japan is great.

Speaking of Okinawa, I came across a picture of you sitting on the beach when you got up early with me to go see it again. I remember how silly and excited I was about that, too. Thank you!

I hope your stomach feels better!


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