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I upset a lot of people with my [next to] last entry. (That'll teach me to drink and write! Hemingway I am not.) It didn't come out the way I meant it at all. I didn't mean, "Would you feel like shit if I died?" I meant, "How long would it take for somebody to notice that I wasn't there? If I stopped communicating, how long before somebody emailed or called or whatever?" I was upset that Jeff went 2 weeks before somebody even bothered to check on him.

Sometimes I feel really removed from...everybody. I work all the time, and I'm the only person in Canaan House who works in the high school, so I don't get many chances to hang out with/see people here. I'm on the wrong side of the world, so I don't get to hang out with all my old friends back in the States.


I actually had all this stuff written after the above, but Satan intervened and it deleted itself. Would that be unholy intervention? What's the opposite of divine?


I was wondering the other day if our souls are actually siamese twins. And our dreams are actually memories of our time on the "other side." Which of course bothers me now, since I hate not knowing stuff (which is ironic, because I also believe that knowledge is pain).

There are so many things I wish I could un-know.


Would write more, but I started this forever ago, and my brain is running out of memory.


Nov. 18th, 2004 10:10 pm (UTC)
Strange thing about how you feel so seperate - so do I. I rarely go out and I sepnd most nights at home with Kiomye. I can sometimes here the other teachers at Canaan house coming and going and I simply don't have the energy (or the time) to go chase them down. Dan and I were talking about this and he said that he feels the same way. I do have Dan though, but he is a rare sight even though our desks at work are right next to each other. I think a lot of it is just the nature of the job. I have spent more time with you (Dan excluded) than any other the other teachers at the school. We haven't even been able to spend much time together, so you can guess how much I've seen the other teachers.


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