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It's Truly Beginning

It's starting. It's like it was back in middle school when the ideas would come too quickly for me to write them all down. This lj has turned into some sort of monster in my head.

I am surrounded by words again.

For a while, it was a simple outlet. Then it became an excuse to weave pretty sentences below my hands. Now it's a dark blizzard of ideas and concepts and the need to SPEAK OUT. I now have a vehicle for this motion. I have vessels to take these pieces of me to different shores.

I have battled against these old ghosts and I can't tell if I'm giving in or if I'm simply more informed. Have the odd [and the even] circumstances in my life been plotting against me? Has fate, that human fiction I refuse to believe in, secretly lured me back to this place? This path was closed to me for so long and yet suddenly here I am, walking with awkward, discordant steps down the open lane I loved years ago and hated until today. Usually I have the feeling that I've been sleeping until this moment, but I know I haven't been asleep this time. Have I been fighting a good fight? Or have I been needlessly, harmfully stubborn until now?

I don't know anything anymore.


( 7 comments — Leave a comment )
Feb. 9th, 2005 12:05 am (UTC)
What's so wonderful about comics is the versatility of being either a writer, a drawer, or both.
You don't have to be one thing.
Feb. 11th, 2005 02:59 am (UTC)
I'd actually--ideally--rather do something they have here that I haven't really seen in the States: it's this sort of comic/novel hybrid. That would just rock my socks off if I could do that.

They're wool, btw. My socks, I mean. ^_^
Feb. 9th, 2005 11:25 am (UTC)
Now it's my turn to be confused. Are you okay?
Feb. 10th, 2005 08:30 pm (UTC)
I'm fine! ^_^ I'm just suffering from an independence-complex. Everybody writes, everybody wants to be a writer, and I hate the thought that I may be following the path everyone else has been down already. It's the American in me, I suppose. (Or is it my mutant ego?) I was a great writer in middle school and I absolutely LOVED the written word, but years of writing academic papers squelched any interest I had in becoming a writer one day. But mostly I fight against this increasing desire to write because it's been done before. Every lj out there has the words "I want to be a writer someday" in it. (That's mostly hyperbole, but it's I think it's still more true than not.)

But, yeah, I'm just feeling snobbish about writing and hate the thought of doing what everybody else does. (Does that make me a bad person?) I guess I'm also afraid that if I claim to be a writer, then that'll immediately catapult me into the spotlight and I'll just be asking for harmful [honest?] criticism. If I'm a good writer in my head, that's enough for me, even if it's a lie. But if I put myself out there as a writer, I'm terrified of getting ripped apart. Most people don't know jack about comics, so they see the little I've done and think, "Wow, she's pretty good!" because they don't know any better. (Note: I would never show my "comics" to anybody who really knows anything about writing/drawing comics. It would be way too embarrassing.)

Also, I haven't written anything creative since I was about 14 or 15 years old. So my writing gears are a bit rusty. I figure I'm about 10 years behind in terms of writing ability, which adds to the nervousness I face this with.

So, long answer short, I'm struggling with my apparent gravitation towards writing as more than a simple emotional outlet and record of my daily life.
Feb. 12th, 2005 10:25 am (UTC)

Everything you've just said makes perfect sense. It seems that everyone likes to write, and no one wants to the the cliched writer.

Writing seriously after not writing seriously for a long time is scary and provokes much self-consciousness.

...But I'm glad you're doing what you love. Keep doing it, and shake the rust off those gears! Go Abby! :-)
Feb. 15th, 2005 07:37 pm (UTC)
Now and then....
Hi there,

Whilst trawling the net I found something you can take heart from. It's basically a number of professional comic artists who got together and have an exhibition comparing the stuff they are doing now with what they drew when they were 12 or so. Enjoy!


Take care

Feb. 10th, 2005 08:06 pm (UTC)
Bring it on! Be the words! Copious amounts!


( 7 comments — Leave a comment )

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